CHAPTER ONE
The gavel thunked against the table, the sound echoing around the small juvie meeting room. Kaitlin blinked slowly. Once. Twice. She couldn’t believe it. She was free. She swallowed thickly against the lump in her throat. After three years. Finally.
She glanced over her shoulder, the chains at her wrists clinking against the table top as she did. The detective gave her a thumbs up and a friendly smile. She twisted quickly back around, staring at her hands lying flat on the table. At the silver cuffs covering her wrists. Okay, so maybe she would not be completely free, but at least she would be out of this place, right? All thanks to the detective.
She remembered him. Detective Hawkins. Three years ago he had just bee Officer Hawkins. Way to go old man. Not that he was all that old. He had been the one to find her there that night. Crouched in the alleyway. Her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her ears.
She had been staring at her hands then too. Staring in horror at her hands covered in – No. Not now. She shook her head slightly, as if that would clear the images away. Like an etch-a-sketch. Just wipe it free of her mind. Start with a blank slate. She wished it was that easy.
Kaitlin blinked rapidly as people began shuffling around, getting up from their chairs. Julie, the guard who had brought her down here, motioned for her to stand. As she stumbled dazedly to her feet, still unable to believe what was happening, she heard a high-pitched voice squeal, “Kitty Kat!” behind her.
Kaitlin clenched her jaw tightly closed and ground her teeth together. She had seen her with him when Julie brought her in the room, but had hoped she would just leave her alone. No such luck, apparently, she thought as she turned slowly.
The woman, who at first glance was an identical copy of Kaitlin, pushed her way around the gate barricading her from everyone else and threw her arms around Kaitlin. Kaitlin stiffened at her touch and clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms. “Hello Mother.” She greeted the woman embracing her coolly.
“Oh, Kitty Kat, I’m so glad you are getting out of that awful place!” Her mother exclaimed.
If she had noticed her daughter’s cool attitude toward her, she didn’t show it. Kaitlin mentally rolled her eyes. Of course, it wouldn’t surprise her if her mother was on something either, but as her mother finally pulled back from her Kaitlin could tell her eyes were not dilated at all. Which meant her mother was actually clean and sober for the first time in a very long time. Almost as long as Kaitlin could remember.
It stung some and Kaitlin worked to keep the cool, indifferent wall she had perfected over the last three years in place. Sure, her mother chose now, this day, to be clean and sober. Now. When there were so many times in the past when Kaitlin had wanted her – no, had needed her to be that way and she wasn’t. Not even close.
She wanted to ask her mother why she was there. Tell her that if she were trying to make an effort to actually act as her mother, it was too little, too late. Kaitlin didn’t care anymore. Did she? She sure didn’t want to care anymore, that was for sure.
Kaitlin took a closer look at the woman standing in front of her. Helen Jeffreys was not that much taller than her daughter – probably only about an inch taller than Kaitlin’s five foot three inches. Despite her scrawny frame from too many years of hard drugs, she was still curvier than Kaitlin, who was more slender, with a near boyish figure. They both had the same jet black hair and amber eyes rimmed in gold. Although her mother’s eyes looked somewhat dull, vacant. She had aged a lot since Kaitlin had last seen her. She looked older than her thirty-three years even. Worn out. Used up.
Today was actually the first time Kaitlin had seen her mother since the day she was convicted three years previous. Of course, that was also by Kaitlin’s own choice. She had refused all visitors. Not that anyone would have come visit her anyway. Although, she had heard some of the guards muttering about her not even seeing her poor mother.
Right, Kaitlin did another mental eye roll, her poor mother. It was because of her poor mother and her friends that Kaitlin had been convicted of Second Degree Murder three years prior at the tender age of thirteen. Murder At Thirteen the headlines had read.
Not that Kaitlin had denied killing the guy. Nor did she deny that she should have been punished for what she did. God, it’s not like she didn’t have to look at herself in the mirror every day and remember what she had done. It was always there, in her head, the scenes flashing over and over. It was not the conviction that bothered Kaitlin – she was not even completely sure she deserved to be going “free” today, no matter how limited that freedom was – it was the way her conviction came about. That was what bothered her
It was the betrayal that caused the hurt, the devastation, and what made her harden her heart. She could not look at the woman standing in front of her, jabbering away, anymore without feeling physically ill.
“Oh, Kitty Kat. I’m so glad you’re finally getting out of this awful place.” Her mother repeated, which Kaitlin figured she did not even realize she had already said. Kaitlin inwardly flinched at the nickname her mother had given her when she was just a baby and the blatant denial in her comment that she herself had anything to do with Kaitlin being there in the first place.
Inwardly, Kaitlin seethed. Outwardly, her cool makes of indifference remained. Her expression almost vacant.
“Yes, we were oh so very happy to get the call about Detective Hawkins getting al this arranged on your behalf.” Came a dry, sarcastic voice from the other side of the gated partition.
Katilin’s breathing hitched slightly and this time she did – briefly – visibly flinch, before she dug her fingernails even deeper into her palms and shifted back to cool indifference. The voice belonged to her mohter’s boyfriend of three and a half years. The longest relationship she had ever had – at least during Kaitlin’s lifetime to her knowledge. Of course, it helped on her mom’s part that Seth Powell provided her with whatever she wanted to smoke, snort, inject or drink. And it was no mystery what Seth was after with her mother. It was what all the guys wanted from her. S.E.X. It was all about the S.E.X.
Kaitlin could not completely fault her mother for falling under Seth’s spell. The guy was pretty damn gorgeous. He was lean, but not scrawny. Probably about five foot ten inches, with wavy chocolate brown hair that was always falling over his forehead and icy blue eyes. But Kaitlin had always gotten the creeps from the man. She had never like the cold, hard glint in his eyes.
It didn’t help that he had kept her mother even more drugged up than she ever had been before, which did not exactly help bring out her motherly nature. Really though, with the way her mother was looking these days, it was a wonder that the man hadn’t moved on to greener pastures yet.
They were both looking at her now, as if waiting for her to say something. Her mother wore an eager look on her face – Seth, an expression close to a sneer on his. Kaitlin didn’t say anything. Choosing to ignore them instead. She turned to Julie and gazed at her expectantly. The guard had other things to do besides stand around listening to Kaitlin’s mother yap all day anyway.
Julie, thankfully, caught on. “Come on kid.” She said, grabbing Kaitlin’s right elbow to steer her away. “We need to get this show on the road.” Kaitlin nodded and let Julie lead her away.
“Wait!” Her mother called out. “I was hoping we could set up some time to go shopping together or something sweetheart.”
Kaitlin jerked to a stop and twisted around. Her mouth set in a firm line, she gave her mother the best, cold, hard glare in her arsenal. Her mother just stared at her, wide-eyed. She really did not get it. Well, maybe she would now, Kaitlin thought as she swung back around and followed after Julie.
They had just reached the door when their progress was interrupted yet again. Detective Hawkins. A tall, broad shouldered man in his forties with straw colored hair that was graying at the temples and blue-green eyes that had laugh lines imprinted in their corners. Why couldn’t her mother have ever met up with some guy like him?
“Hey, kiddo.” He said, smiling a greeting. Why did people insist on calling her kid and kiddo all the time? She was sixteen for crying out loud. She sighed inwardly. Damn short genes. She knew she still looked like she could be about twelve or thirteen. Detective Hawkins’ expression turned serious. “Are you okay?” His gaze flickered to her mother and Seth as he asked before landing back on her face.
“Of course, why would I not be okay?” She responded deadpan.
“Uh-huh.” Hawkins’ eyes narrowed on her thoughtfully as he rubbed his chin. Dropping his hand and sighing, he said, “Well, I need to get some paperwork filled out and stuff, so I’ll meet you up front in a little bit, okay?”
Kaitlin shrugged non-committedly and turned her gaze back to the door, but not before she saw his lips twitching up a bit at the corners. “All righty then, see you soon.” She gave a curt nod as Julie pulled open the door and led her through into a surprisingly empty hallway.
Turning to the right, Julie led Kaitlin to another room, this one small and empty except a table and chair shoved up against the left wall. A pile of clothes with sneakers next to them sat perched on the tabletop.
Oh. My. God. Jeans. Kaitlin thought. Real clothes. Now these, she had missed – even if she had never had new clothes – they were still more comfortable than the Detention Center jumpers.
“Okay kid, there are some clothes right there for you to change into.” Julie said, indicating the pile Kaitlin had already noticed and unhooked her keys from her belt loop.
“Where did they come from?”
“Sometimes we have some that are donated for those who need them upon release, but those,” Julie nodded her head in the direction of the clothes as she grabbed the cuffs on Kaitlin’s wrists. “Detective Hawkins’ wife bought and had him bring in for you.”
Kaitlin shifted uncomfortably, swallowing around a sudden lump in her throat. It had been a long, long time since anyone had taken care of her in any way. Even longer than she had been in juvie. A longing suddenly filled her. She pushed it aside, shaking her head at herself.
In the meantime, Julie stuck the key in the first cuff, which fell open with a quiet click as she twisted it. Katilin watched in fascination as she did the same with the next one. She was actually going to be going without those things.
Kaitlin rubbed her wrists as if that could make the feeling of the cuffs being there go away. Julie clicked the cuffs onto her belt loop and turned to the door. “Knock on the door when you’re done kid.” And with that, left Kaitlin alone in the room. Alone, Kaitlin let the wall she built up down. After several deep, shaky breaths, she reached up with slightly shaky finger to the buttons on her issued jumper. It was time to get dressed for her new life.
The gavel thunked against the table, the sound echoing around the small juvie meeting room. Kaitlin blinked slowly. Once. Twice. She couldn’t believe it. She was free. She swallowed thickly against the lump in her throat. After three years. Finally.
She glanced over her shoulder, the chains at her wrists clinking against the table top as she did. The detective gave her a thumbs up and a friendly smile. She twisted quickly back around, staring at her hands lying flat on the table. At the silver cuffs covering her wrists. Okay, so maybe she would not be completely free, but at least she would be out of this place, right? All thanks to the detective.
She remembered him. Detective Hawkins. Three years ago he had just bee Officer Hawkins. Way to go old man. Not that he was all that old. He had been the one to find her there that night. Crouched in the alleyway. Her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her ears.
She had been staring at her hands then too. Staring in horror at her hands covered in – No. Not now. She shook her head slightly, as if that would clear the images away. Like an etch-a-sketch. Just wipe it free of her mind. Start with a blank slate. She wished it was that easy.
Kaitlin blinked rapidly as people began shuffling around, getting up from their chairs. Julie, the guard who had brought her down here, motioned for her to stand. As she stumbled dazedly to her feet, still unable to believe what was happening, she heard a high-pitched voice squeal, “Kitty Kat!” behind her.
Kaitlin clenched her jaw tightly closed and ground her teeth together. She had seen her with him when Julie brought her in the room, but had hoped she would just leave her alone. No such luck, apparently, she thought as she turned slowly.
The woman, who at first glance was an identical copy of Kaitlin, pushed her way around the gate barricading her from everyone else and threw her arms around Kaitlin. Kaitlin stiffened at her touch and clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms. “Hello Mother.” She greeted the woman embracing her coolly.
“Oh, Kitty Kat, I’m so glad you are getting out of that awful place!” Her mother exclaimed.
If she had noticed her daughter’s cool attitude toward her, she didn’t show it. Kaitlin mentally rolled her eyes. Of course, it wouldn’t surprise her if her mother was on something either, but as her mother finally pulled back from her Kaitlin could tell her eyes were not dilated at all. Which meant her mother was actually clean and sober for the first time in a very long time. Almost as long as Kaitlin could remember.
It stung some and Kaitlin worked to keep the cool, indifferent wall she had perfected over the last three years in place. Sure, her mother chose now, this day, to be clean and sober. Now. When there were so many times in the past when Kaitlin had wanted her – no, had needed her to be that way and she wasn’t. Not even close.
She wanted to ask her mother why she was there. Tell her that if she were trying to make an effort to actually act as her mother, it was too little, too late. Kaitlin didn’t care anymore. Did she? She sure didn’t want to care anymore, that was for sure.
Kaitlin took a closer look at the woman standing in front of her. Helen Jeffreys was not that much taller than her daughter – probably only about an inch taller than Kaitlin’s five foot three inches. Despite her scrawny frame from too many years of hard drugs, she was still curvier than Kaitlin, who was more slender, with a near boyish figure. They both had the same jet black hair and amber eyes rimmed in gold. Although her mother’s eyes looked somewhat dull, vacant. She had aged a lot since Kaitlin had last seen her. She looked older than her thirty-three years even. Worn out. Used up.
Today was actually the first time Kaitlin had seen her mother since the day she was convicted three years previous. Of course, that was also by Kaitlin’s own choice. She had refused all visitors. Not that anyone would have come visit her anyway. Although, she had heard some of the guards muttering about her not even seeing her poor mother.
Right, Kaitlin did another mental eye roll, her poor mother. It was because of her poor mother and her friends that Kaitlin had been convicted of Second Degree Murder three years prior at the tender age of thirteen. Murder At Thirteen the headlines had read.
Not that Kaitlin had denied killing the guy. Nor did she deny that she should have been punished for what she did. God, it’s not like she didn’t have to look at herself in the mirror every day and remember what she had done. It was always there, in her head, the scenes flashing over and over. It was not the conviction that bothered Kaitlin – she was not even completely sure she deserved to be going “free” today, no matter how limited that freedom was – it was the way her conviction came about. That was what bothered her
It was the betrayal that caused the hurt, the devastation, and what made her harden her heart. She could not look at the woman standing in front of her, jabbering away, anymore without feeling physically ill.
“Oh, Kitty Kat. I’m so glad you’re finally getting out of this awful place.” Her mother repeated, which Kaitlin figured she did not even realize she had already said. Kaitlin inwardly flinched at the nickname her mother had given her when she was just a baby and the blatant denial in her comment that she herself had anything to do with Kaitlin being there in the first place.
Inwardly, Kaitlin seethed. Outwardly, her cool makes of indifference remained. Her expression almost vacant.
“Yes, we were oh so very happy to get the call about Detective Hawkins getting al this arranged on your behalf.” Came a dry, sarcastic voice from the other side of the gated partition.
Katilin’s breathing hitched slightly and this time she did – briefly – visibly flinch, before she dug her fingernails even deeper into her palms and shifted back to cool indifference. The voice belonged to her mohter’s boyfriend of three and a half years. The longest relationship she had ever had – at least during Kaitlin’s lifetime to her knowledge. Of course, it helped on her mom’s part that Seth Powell provided her with whatever she wanted to smoke, snort, inject or drink. And it was no mystery what Seth was after with her mother. It was what all the guys wanted from her. S.E.X. It was all about the S.E.X.
Kaitlin could not completely fault her mother for falling under Seth’s spell. The guy was pretty damn gorgeous. He was lean, but not scrawny. Probably about five foot ten inches, with wavy chocolate brown hair that was always falling over his forehead and icy blue eyes. But Kaitlin had always gotten the creeps from the man. She had never like the cold, hard glint in his eyes.
It didn’t help that he had kept her mother even more drugged up than she ever had been before, which did not exactly help bring out her motherly nature. Really though, with the way her mother was looking these days, it was a wonder that the man hadn’t moved on to greener pastures yet.
They were both looking at her now, as if waiting for her to say something. Her mother wore an eager look on her face – Seth, an expression close to a sneer on his. Kaitlin didn’t say anything. Choosing to ignore them instead. She turned to Julie and gazed at her expectantly. The guard had other things to do besides stand around listening to Kaitlin’s mother yap all day anyway.
Julie, thankfully, caught on. “Come on kid.” She said, grabbing Kaitlin’s right elbow to steer her away. “We need to get this show on the road.” Kaitlin nodded and let Julie lead her away.
“Wait!” Her mother called out. “I was hoping we could set up some time to go shopping together or something sweetheart.”
Kaitlin jerked to a stop and twisted around. Her mouth set in a firm line, she gave her mother the best, cold, hard glare in her arsenal. Her mother just stared at her, wide-eyed. She really did not get it. Well, maybe she would now, Kaitlin thought as she swung back around and followed after Julie.
They had just reached the door when their progress was interrupted yet again. Detective Hawkins. A tall, broad shouldered man in his forties with straw colored hair that was graying at the temples and blue-green eyes that had laugh lines imprinted in their corners. Why couldn’t her mother have ever met up with some guy like him?
“Hey, kiddo.” He said, smiling a greeting. Why did people insist on calling her kid and kiddo all the time? She was sixteen for crying out loud. She sighed inwardly. Damn short genes. She knew she still looked like she could be about twelve or thirteen. Detective Hawkins’ expression turned serious. “Are you okay?” His gaze flickered to her mother and Seth as he asked before landing back on her face.
“Of course, why would I not be okay?” She responded deadpan.
“Uh-huh.” Hawkins’ eyes narrowed on her thoughtfully as he rubbed his chin. Dropping his hand and sighing, he said, “Well, I need to get some paperwork filled out and stuff, so I’ll meet you up front in a little bit, okay?”
Kaitlin shrugged non-committedly and turned her gaze back to the door, but not before she saw his lips twitching up a bit at the corners. “All righty then, see you soon.” She gave a curt nod as Julie pulled open the door and led her through into a surprisingly empty hallway.
Turning to the right, Julie led Kaitlin to another room, this one small and empty except a table and chair shoved up against the left wall. A pile of clothes with sneakers next to them sat perched on the tabletop.
Oh. My. God. Jeans. Kaitlin thought. Real clothes. Now these, she had missed – even if she had never had new clothes – they were still more comfortable than the Detention Center jumpers.
“Okay kid, there are some clothes right there for you to change into.” Julie said, indicating the pile Kaitlin had already noticed and unhooked her keys from her belt loop.
“Where did they come from?”
“Sometimes we have some that are donated for those who need them upon release, but those,” Julie nodded her head in the direction of the clothes as she grabbed the cuffs on Kaitlin’s wrists. “Detective Hawkins’ wife bought and had him bring in for you.”
Kaitlin shifted uncomfortably, swallowing around a sudden lump in her throat. It had been a long, long time since anyone had taken care of her in any way. Even longer than she had been in juvie. A longing suddenly filled her. She pushed it aside, shaking her head at herself.
In the meantime, Julie stuck the key in the first cuff, which fell open with a quiet click as she twisted it. Katilin watched in fascination as she did the same with the next one. She was actually going to be going without those things.
Kaitlin rubbed her wrists as if that could make the feeling of the cuffs being there go away. Julie clicked the cuffs onto her belt loop and turned to the door. “Knock on the door when you’re done kid.” And with that, left Kaitlin alone in the room. Alone, Kaitlin let the wall she built up down. After several deep, shaky breaths, she reached up with slightly shaky finger to the buttons on her issued jumper. It was time to get dressed for her new life.